Monday, January 18, 2016

Please Stop Asking...








So on a super bright note... I totally sneaked a little bit of spring into winter. I know, I broke all kinds of rules. This skirt though... How can you resist a printed organza skirt AND it's only $25!?!? I mean, it's floral, striped, organza and it even has pockets!! What more could you want in a skirt. It has the most "springy" colors on it. Originally I wanted a baby blue cardigan but I could not find one anywhere. Then I noticed the accent of this mustard color on some of the flowers so this cardigan was perfect. I didn't want the cardigan to go down around the skirt and mess up the dimensions so I opted to knot it in the front. I paired it with a super soft light pink tee and my go to black ankle strap heels. 

So I may have gone on a bit of a rant...

I have to share something that has been on my heart for a while now and I share it with the kindest and best intentions. I know it has been said before but I must reiterate it. Now, let me preface this first by saying that I used to be entirely guilty of this myself and there is absolutely no excuse for that. Please accept this as my formal apology for ever putting undue pressure on you and second by making it clear that Tony and I are not "trying" to have a baby currently, nor do we know when we will "try", nor will we tell anyone when we are "trying". 

Please, stop asking people when they are going to start "trying" to have a baby.

The two brief points I am going to make below may help you understand how touchy of a subject this can be.

I cannot tell you how many times, especially recently, that I have heard, "When is it your turn?", or "Why haven't you and Tony started trying?", or "How old are you now? Don't you think you should start popping them out?" 

First, ACTUALLY repeat those questions or questions that go along with them over and over again. Do you hear what you're asking? You are literally asking when my husband and I are going to do the deed more frequently and with more seriousness. When did it become okay to ask someone about their sex life? I mean that is a bit on the rude if you ask me. 

Second, what if we ARE trying and it isn't going well?!? I mean, talk about an awkward, discouraging, painful subject. Infertility is a very real thing!!! I know many women who have gone through the horror that it is and nothing could possibly be more painful than getting asked indirectly why you aren't doing something that is supposed to come so naturally. 

Jumping into parenthood is a huge deal, not to mention expensive. I don't care how you look at it, a couple should never have any pressure put on them from outside of their own relationship by anybody. When I say anybody, I mean ANYBODY. There is no exception to what your relationship is to that specific couple, it is not your right, nor your place. I promise you, they are dealing with it in their own time and in their own way and you asking isn't helping in any way, shape or form.  It has gotten to the point where it literally makes me angry when someone asks, but of course I smile blankly for a moment at them and then give them my standard answer, "I'm not sure, we are just really enjoying eahother at the moment." It is kind of an epidemic with people that socialize with any couple that has been married for more than six months.

Trust me on this one, if someone wants to talk to you about having a baby they will bring it up and they will probably talk your ear off about it, because you are most likely one of the only people they are able to open up to and share all of their joy and fear about the subject with. My advice, for what it's worth, listen with open ears and an open heart. Don't judge how they are feeling and pour love out on them. Try loving people where they are at. I mean, don't we have enough pressure in this world we live in? 

But... If you absolutely must... As far as I am concerned, the only appropriate question to ever ask someone regarding future children is, "Are you planning on having kids?". If they open up to you, then follow their lead. If they don't well then refer back to the several paragraphs above. 

Ok, end rant. 

I hope you have a wonderful day!

3 comments:

  1. I totally agree with you on this, my husband and I have dated for 10 years before getting married (we were high school sweethearts :-) and decided to enjoy married life for 3 years before trying for a baby. Before that people kept asking us what we were waiting for ... thankfully we didn't have problems conceiving but these remarks could have been hurtful otherwise. I think many people don't get it when you tell them you just want to spend time, just the two of you, as a couple .... there's nothing wrong or selfish with that !

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